Our Must Have List
Are we looking for too much in a potential mate ?
Are our "Lists" Too Long ?
Are our "Lists" Too Long ?
Views: 3
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Chris on -
I do believe some people are a bit unrealistic.
I went out with a woman for the first time and she mentioned that after she meets
the man she will marry
she wants to "be there for her husband and not work anymore and stay home"
Her kids are grown up and she is only in her early 40's ? Hmmm
Then I get a kick out of some Christian guys (carrying around an extra 40-50lbs each) standing around
discussing whether they could get involved with a certain female at the event because of a minor imperfection she has.
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Permalink Reply by Vickie on -
I had to reply to the second paragraph, I could not help it. I am just so glad it came from a male. I have always noticed that guys that are out of shape want what they are not. You are just kidding yourself.; If you are looking for someonoe who takes care of themselves and looks good well you better be right up there.
Same goes for women who do not take care of themselves and then they want a perfect guy.
Stop kidding yourselves. You are only fooling yourselves.
Vickie
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Permalink Reply by Lori on -
Hi Vickie and others,
I'm new to this website, and I've been reading through the posts to learn about this site. I looked for a Christian site, because I don't find a lot of meaningful conversations in the average internet chat rooms. My work schedule, among other things, causes me to look for a little conversation online. Even in Christian chat rooms, not a lot appeals to me. Frankly, the "single scene" just does not appeal to me, but I refuse to desperately marry just to get out of single status. Sooo, that's a little about why I'm here and came to read this forum.
The topic of our Must-Have lists seemed quite interesting, but I have to tell you that your (Vickie's) response was like a two-by-four between the eyes. I closed the site and wondered if I'd come back. In the spirit of Christianity (the part about if your brother offends you), I just wanted to let you know how hurtful your response and April's (below it) can be to women who aren't pretty/perfect or those who "take care of themselves."
When you tell a person (man or woman) who does indeed take care of herself, or himself but is still out of shape and not pretty to "stop kidding yourselves. You are only fooling yourselves," it sounds as if you are saying there is one definition of a "perfect" woman or man, and it involves their weight-height ratio. It frankly hurts those who cannot attain that nebulous idea of perfection, not to mention the idea that it perpetuates some stereotypical "ideal."
I guess I just wanted you to see things from others' perspectives a little, maybe even show a little compassion toward all men and women.
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Permalink Reply by april on
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That is funny! But so true! Some people should buy a mirror, oviously they don't have one! LOL april
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Permalink Reply by Elizabeth on -
I believe that some Christians see the actors and actress in Hollywood and they think that they should have relationship like these actors & actress. They see perfect people but Hollywood is fantasy world not really. That why they have so many failed marriages. I believe when we see these relationship falling apart. We look at marriage as something that will fail in our lives. So we get afraid of taking chances.
I also believe that is part of these high expections this people who are portrayed as perfect. I believe we all have our preferences but when get someone close to what we are seeking for we find fault.
I believe the article was on CNN or somewhere else that stated that there more singles people than ever before.
I wonder why then I noticed two people who have been married for a long time and I saw great love and respect for one another. They weren't looking at each other faults but enjoy each other company.
I never reply to any of the blogs or discuss I usually check the website for singles events in NYC.
I believe there is some nice Christian ladies on this website and I believe the brothers in Lord should make friends with the sister and see if there is any chemistry or a bond no I am talking about myself but I have read some of my sister and brother profiles on this site. Anyway God bless.
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Permalink Reply by Kim on -
I, too, have noticed that sometimes people are a little unrealistic...and that they hurt themselves--and waste time--by having expectations that perhaps will never be reality for them.
I think the best thing we can do is take a good look at ourselves (on the inside) and ask, in light of what we see, "what kind of person would be an "even match" for me?" If we're able to answer honestly and we're not happy with the answer, then, ask God, by His grace, to make some changes in our life, attitude, ability to balance a checkbook, whatever it is. Even if we're still single after that, at least we'll be happier and closer to the Lord.
That's my 2 cents.
But Chris, the irony of the situation you described is glaring!!!~ Please guys (and girls) catch yourself before you do a thing like that.
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Permalink Reply by Helen on -
This is a thought provoking question indeed, thank you Chris for bringing it to the fore front! ...Chris, I can definetly see your point in women expecting men to take care of them once their married. This is not what marriage is all about. Rather, it has to do with 2 people who are complete in Christ, and confident of who they are, so they can in turn, compliment each other in a life long relationship.
I don't know if you guys have heared that God's math in marriage is 1+1= 1 NOT 1/2+1/2= 1
As for your comment on christian guys expectations......Hmmmm, I will agree with Kim, the inner man has the hidden beauty, if one only took the time to look past the outward appearance.
Then, as Maria said, the relationship can grow from a frienship to a deeper level, if the Lord Wills. Wanting to know someone for who they are from the heart, will get rid of all the superficial and shallow expectations that society pushes on us.......
That's my take on this subject, anyway
God Bless All!!
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Permalink Reply by Helen on
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Thank You Maria.......I hope to see you tonight......let's look for each other, yes?
God Bless!!
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Permalink Reply by Val on -
Men and women relate to each other differenty. Women look from the inside out and men look from the outside in. We are wired differently. Men want an attractive woman. You do not have to be barbie, you are attractive when you take the time to do your hair, makeup and wear something flattering. I think that is what they are looking for, not barbie. (And yes guys, don't walk around like a big slob and complain about the women).
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Permalink Reply by Val on
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oops pressed sent too soon.
Women on the other hand look from the inside out. They are looking for stability, responsibility and someone who will be committed to them and them only. Yes, there are extremes on both ends. There are women who want a rich man, but for the most part, they are really looking for stability and not someone to leech off.
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Permalink Reply by Wendy Jennifer on -
I feel that the expectations in the dating world is simply too high, especially for women. Our American cultural beauty ideal is very oppressive for women in general. Few women are a size 2 and many young ladies suffer from Anorexia nervosa because of it. To base our potential relationships on Hollywood standards is simply absurd. My goodness, Barbie is just a doll. She has no soul. She doesn't dream. She does not feel. I feel all women are beautiful and come in all shapes, sizes and colors. Also men may also feel the oppressive need to comply to high male standards as well. I do have a question for the message board. If Christ can love us in spite of our imperfections, how come we can't love one another? God is perfection--unconditional love, serenity, infinite spiritual wonder and beauty and yet He loves us. I think it is our imperfections which make us unique--a quirkly laugh, a moment of forgetfullness, or simply being creative. Artists aren't afraid to be different and to celebrate diversity. We all have a unique genetic make up. Why can't we learn to love and accept our beloved the way Christ would? I think accepting each other's humanity makes all the difference. I do not like the dating world today at all. Too much rudeness and inconsiderate behavior. Why can't the golden rule be practiced more. I have dated both Christian men and Non Christian ones and sadly, I do not see a difference. I'm just searching for a human being who respects women. On my last date I was literally assaulted, so I do caution all women to be very careful. I am 47 years old and never experienced anything like this. I only confided to two friends. So ladies do be careful! (Remember you are sacred and no one has a right to harm you in anyway.) I have stopped dating for awhile until I heal emotionally from this. Respect is important to me. Years ago men and women respected one another. I feel New York needs to wake up and perhaps we can learn something from our Southern Brethren about hospitality and respect toward women in general. Chris, I truly hope you meet a nice Christian woman who love all of you (the good and the imperfect) and that everyone on the message board meets a beloved who honors them with respect, good listening skills and compassion.
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Permalink Reply by Kim on
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Yes! Wendy, I completely agree. I think this emphasis on the outward appearance is a sign of spiritual immaturity. Personally, I want to be loved for what's inside more than what's outside. Don't get me wrong, earlier today a very sweet 18-year-old asked if I'd like to go out with him sometime. He thought I was around his age. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't flattered by that. But I was also a little sad, as in, where were you when I was a sweet young thing of 17??? Oh well.
Anyway, I know God made guys more visual, but, it just feels ungodly when someone is rejected based on appearance because it just seems like a snap judgment, and I know Jesus didn't treat us that way....
The fashion and modeling industries don't help. Their views and the way they value and devalue people are...anti-Christ. When I was a sweet young thing of 17, I was recruited by a modeling agency. I decided I wasn't interested in that occupation, so I didn't got for it. And sometimes, when I'm worshipping God, I'm so so glad that I was never part of something that is idolatrous in that it glorifies people based on their looks. It's so impure. Only God should be held in such regard.
As for me, when I see someone with a pure heart, or who sincerely wants to follow the Lord, I think, "Man, that person is sooooo beautiful."
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